REVIEW: Vampblade #8

So…Where do I start with Vampblade #8? This is one of those books that makes me audibly sigh, roll my eyes, and really have to poke my brain goo to put it into words, but here goes.

Vampblade is a series created and written by Jason Martin, who also does Zombie Tramp. Well he doesn’t do her, even though it seems like he likes his woman to be a particular type, but any way. Katie Carva is the main character in this story, and she grew up reading Vampblade comics. She finds out that her beloved funny books were all too real, and has to become Vampblade herself to fight against bad guys and monsters and stuff. Doesn’t sound too bad. But then…tits.

Yes seriously, this issue has her fully naked for honestly no apparent reason, and there are even variant covers that look like stills from hentai that I’m sure appear all too familiar for some people out there. Now I am not a prude, and really don’t care about nudity in comic books as long as it adds to the story. But this is just boobs for boob’s sake, there’s no rhyme or reason to it. It’s tasteless, vulgar, and designed for a specific audience.

Vampblade is one of those comics that is weird and crude, and there is a market for that. I myself have some pretty strange books because I like things out of the ordinary and am an adult. However, there has to be something good about the book itself, or else what’s the use for it? We all have the internet and there’s a vast world of crazy garish things on there. Unfortunately for Vampblade, there really is no story at all. There’s some girls fighting and saying “fuck” a lot with a lazy attempt at humor here and there, and some dude who is like, totally into Katie and stuff, bro. It’s a lazy book, period.

The story could actually have been well done without having to try all that hard, but it really seems like Vampblade was relying on the fans of Zombie Tramp to buy it and keep it on the shelves. First zombie boobs, now vampire alien dominatrix lady boobs? Gee, I’ll pick it up on my way home from my Men’s Rights meeting! Please give me a break.

So what are the good parts of this book. Well, there aren’t many. Sometimes there can be great artwork that has the magic to take you away from the horrible story writing, but Marco Macagni’s scribbles are anything but that. Slap some of Marcelo Costa’s preschool basic color palette set on there and we’ve got ourselves a real hunk of shit. This may sound brutal, but I’m sure they can take it. HOW-EV-ER…the regular cover and artist cover are pretty good. Both also come with the boob variant option, though Katie’s tatas seems to go up two cup sizes in there for some reason, but we’re way past looking for reason at this point. The NYCC variant is limited to a print run of 100, probably because it’s completely awful and therefore needs to be kept far away from anyone with eyeballs, and the 90s monster variant is okay. It also comes with boobs. Surprise!

Booty and boobs and bits are usually things I like, but come on, why do you hate Katie so much, Jason?

Story: 0 stars
Artwork: 0 stars
Colors: 0 stars
Cover: 3 stars
1.2/5

Writer(s): Jason Martin
Artist Name(s): Marco Maccagni

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